Ear-Shaming: The Stigma Against Audiobooks and Why It’s Time to Listen Up

CREDIT

Today marks my one year anniversary of listening to audiobooks! Listening to audiobooks has been a fantastic solution for me juggling a busy schedule. With work, running a small business, being a mama of 5 kids, and personal commitments, finding time to sit down and read a physical book feels almost impossible. Audiobooks offer a flexible alternative, allowing me to enjoy literature and learn new things without having to carve out dedicated reading time. Audiobooks fit into any part of my day and transform downtime or mundane tasks into opportunities for personal growth, entertainment, and learning. Especially in this day and age where most individuals in the entertainment industry are being  held accountable for the disgust, vile, and deviant behaviors, I would rather use my time to expand my knowledge base rather than listen to music and line the pockets of corrupt people who don't know or care about me.

Modern times call for modern solutions!

Audiobooks have sparked a debate in the literary community, with some arguing they're not “real reading.” But let's set the record straight: listening to audiobooks is absolutely a valid way to consume and appreciate literature. In fact, audiobooks come with unique benefits that can enrich the reading experience, making stories and information accessible in ways that print alone sometimes can't.

BENEFITS:

1. Audiobooks Are Accessible

For many people, traditional reading is challenging. Those with visual impairments, dyslexia, or other conditions may find audiobooks an empowering alternative. They allow these readers to enjoy the beauty of literature without physical limitations. Audiobooks are also a boon for busy people who find it hard to carve out time to sit with a book but can listen while commuting, exercising, or doing chores. For them, audiobooks are a way to fold literature into their daily routines.

2. Listening Is a Legitimate Form of Literary Engagement

Listening engages the brain in ways that are both similar to and distinct from reading words on a page. Audiobooks can enhance comprehension and bring stories to life through performance. Skilled narrators can add layers of nuance to a story, offering vocal inflections, accents, and tone that reflect a character’s personality and emotions. In some cases, this can make the story even more vivid than silent reading. Plus, the human voice has always been a primary medium for storytelling—oral traditions predate written ones by thousands of years!

3. They Expand Genre and Language Exposure

Audiobooks often make trying new genres or exploring books in another language more approachable. A beautifully narrated audiobook can immerse listeners in a genre or language they may have found intimidating in print form. For instance, historical novels with complex prose or nonfiction with dense concepts can feel more digestible with a narrator guiding you through.

4. Audiobooks Foster Connection with the Story

There’s something uniquely intimate about listening to someone tell a story. When you’re listening, the storyteller’s voice is right in your ears, creating a sense of connection. This can be especially powerful with memoirs, where the author often narrates, letting listeners experience their story as though directly from them. It turns a passive experience into a deeply personal one.

5. They Enhance Literacy and Vocabulary

For kids and language learners, audiobooks are incredible tools for literacy development. They reinforce vocabulary, pronunciation, and fluency by letting listeners hear words in context, which can be more effective for comprehension than silent reading alone. Audiobooks also help develop listening skills and attention, which are critical literacy components.

FROM A PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE:

Criticism of audiobooks often revolves around questions of engagement, authenticity, and perceived value relative to traditional reading. Here are some of the main critiques:

1. Engagement and Retention: Some argue that reading text promotes deeper cognitive engagement, leading to better retention and comprehension of information. Research varies on this, but some studies suggest that while both formats engage the brain, certain people may retain information better when reading visually rather than through listening.

2. Authenticity of Experience: For purists, audiobooks might seem to dilute the "authentic" reading experience, with some believing that the act of visual reading is inherently more personal or immersive. However, this criticism largely overlooks the unique immersion and expressiveness a skilled narrator can bring to an audiobook.

3. Format Challenges: Unlike print or e-books, navigating audiobooks can be less intuitive, particularly when going back to review specific parts. Flipping through pages to revisit content is easier in physical books, while audiobooks require rewinding or searching for timestamps, which can be cumbersome.

4. Narration Influence: A common critique is that the narrator’s voice, tone, and style can alter the story's impact. A narrator’s interpretation might unintentionally shape the listener’s understanding or emotions, which can feel limiting to those who prefer imagining voices and intonations themselves.

5. Cost: Audiobooks can be more expensive than their print counterparts due to the additional costs of narration and production, which can make them less accessible for some. This financial barrier often brings up issues of equity, as audiobooks can be inaccessible to those who may benefit most from them.

6. Perception as “Cheating”: There’s a lingering stigma around audiobooks, especially in academic or literary circles, where some people still consider them an “easier” or “lesser” way to consume content. Critics sometimes view listening as passive compared to reading, although this stance ignores the unique cognitive skills involved in auditory learning and comprehension.

Many criticisms come down to personal preference and the individual’s relationship with books. For each critique, though, there are many who argue that audiobooks are simply another tool in the reader's toolkit, one that broadens the possibilities for engaging with literature.

FROM AN INTERSECTIONALITY PERSPECTIVE:

Criticisms of audiobooks intersect with issues around accessibility, socioeconomic status, race, and education, making this topic layered and complex. Here’s how intersectionality plays a role in audiobook criticisms:

1. Ableism and Accessibility: Audiobooks are a crucial format for people with disabilities, such as visual impairments, dyslexia, ADHD, and other conditions that make print reading challenging. Criticisms that devalue audiobooks implicitly disregard the fact that for many, audiobooks are a primary or preferred way to access information and stories. By ignoring or downplaying this, audiobook criticism can perpetuate ableist assumptions that privilege one mode of reading over another.

2. Class and Economic Accessibility: Audiobooks can be costly compared to print books, especially because of the production resources involved in narration. Critics who champion physical books exclusively may overlook how many people, particularly those in lower-income brackets or working multiple jobs, use audiobooks to fit reading into busy, multitasking lives. Audiobooks allow people to "read" while commuting, working, or managing other responsibilities—things that might be taken for granted by those with more flexible schedules or fewer obligations.

3. Cultural and Linguistic Biases: Many people from immigrant or multilingual backgrounds have grown up with oral storytelling traditions, where listening, rather than reading, is the primary way stories are shared. Criticism of audiobooks can carry implicit biases that elevate Eurocentric and print-centric forms of literacy. Audiobooks offer an alternative that resonates with cultures for whom oral storytelling is a significant cultural component, making literature more relatable and accessible.

4. Education and Literacy Bias: In educational contexts, audiobooks can be critical for students who struggle with reading comprehension due to language barriers or learning differences. When audiobooks are undervalued, it creates a barrier for people who rely on them to succeed academically. This bias reinforces classist and ableist notions that may imply a single "correct" way to read, discounting the varied needs and learning styles of students from diverse backgrounds.

5. Gender and Care Work: Women, who are statistically more likely to engage in unpaid care work, such as childcare or eldercare, may turn to audiobooks as a flexible way to incorporate reading into their routines. Criticizing audiobooks without recognizing these dynamics can reflect gender biases that undervalue the ways people, particularly women, adapt reading to fit into caregiving and household responsibilities.

6. Geographic and Technological Accessibility: In rural or under-resourced areas, libraries may offer more options for audiobook lending through digital platforms than for print books. Criticizing audiobooks may overlook the importance of this access point for people who may not live near bookstores or fully stocked libraries, especially in marginalized communities.

7. Racial and Linguistic Representation: Audiobook narrators often bring diverse voices to literature, allowing listeners to hear accents, dialects, and language rhythms that reflect their own backgrounds. This representation can be empowering for BIPOC listeners who may feel more connected to stories when narrated by voices from their communities. Criticism of audiobooks can inadvertently silence this representation, undermining the importance of voice and dialect diversity in the literary world.

Recognizing these intersections sheds light on why defending audiobooks as an inclusive medium matters. Audiobook access and acceptance can empower people across ability, socioeconomic status, race, gender, and educational backgrounds, and can be part of a broader movement for a more equitable literary landscape.

IN CONCLUSION:

Whether it's through the page or the speaker, engaging with books and stories is what truly matters. So let's celebrate all forms of reading. If you’re “reading” via audiobook, you’re still reading—and the story, the ideas, and the emotions are just as real. Audiobooks are a fantastic part of the literary world, deserving of respect, appreciation, and, above all, no slander!

If you are interested in supporting and lifting up BIPOC voices, join our FB group!

What are some of your favorite audiobooks and/or narrators?

Until next time...

Sharon

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Understanding, Recognizing, and Supporting

(CREDIT)

October is recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), a time dedicated to raising awareness about domestic violence, supporting survivors, and promoting education to prevent abuse. This month-long initiative aims to shed light on the prevalence of domestic violence and its devastating effects on individuals, families, and communities.

IMPORTANCE:

Domestic violence is a pervasive issue affecting millions of people regardless of age, gender, race, or socioeconomic status. Statistics reveal that:

1. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence.
2. Nearly 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.
3. Domestic violence accounts for approximately 15% of all violent crime.

DVAM serves several critical purposes:

1. Raising Awareness: The month helps educate the public about the signs and effects of domestic violence, dispelling myths and misconceptions that can perpetuate stigma and silence.
2. Supporting Survivors: By highlighting resources available to victims, DVAM encourages individuals to seek help and reminds them that they are not alone in their experiences.
3. Advocating for Change: Awareness efforts can lead to policy changes and increased funding for domestic violence services, providing better support systems for those affected.
4. Encouraging Community Engagement: DVAM invites communities to participate in discussions, events, and initiatives that promote healing and solidarity among survivors and advocates.

GET INVOLVED:

There are many ways individuals and communities can engage during Domestic Violence Awareness Month:

1. Educate Yourself and Others: Learn about domestic violence, its impact, and available resources. Share this information with friends, family, and your social networks.
2. Attend or Organize Events: Participate in or host local events, such as workshops, seminars, and rallies, to raise awareness and support survivors. Many organizations host candlelight vigils, walks, or informational booths throughout the month.
3. Wear Purple: Purple is the official color of DVAM. Wearing purple clothing or accessories symbolizes support for survivors and raises awareness about domestic violence.
4. Support Local Organizations: Contribute to or volunteer with local shelters, hotlines, or advocacy organizations that assist survivors. Donations of time, resources, or funds can make a significant impact.
5. Engage on Social Media: Use social media platforms to share information, personal stories, and resources related to domestic violence. Use hashtags like #DVAM, #DomesticViolenceAwareness, or #EndDomesticViolence to join the conversation.
6. Encourage Open Dialogue: Talk about domestic violence openly with your social circle. Encourage friends and family to discuss the issue, fostering an environment where survivors feel safe to share their experiences.

SIGNS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:

Physical abuse is a painful reality that affects millions of people around the world, regardless of age, gender, race, or socioeconomic background. It often takes place behind closed doors, leaving survivors feeling isolated, scared, and misunderstood. By educating ourselves and spreading awareness, we can help dismantle the stigma surrounding abuse and support those who may be suffering in silence. This post aims to shed light on the nature of physical abuse, its impact, and the ways people can find help.

When we hear the phrase “domestic violence,” we tend to focus primarily on physical and sexual abuse while disregarding or not being cognizant of the other forms of abuse.

What is Physical Abuse?

Physical abuse involves the use of force to harm or control someone else. It is one form of domestic violence and can happen in intimate relationships, familial settings, or even in public spaces. Some examples of physical abuse include hitting, slapping, pushing, strangling, or any other physical act intended to inflict pain or injury. Physical abuse doesn’t always involve direct harm to a person; sometimes, it shows up in more indirect but equally damaging ways. One of these behaviors is “punching walls,” which is often dismissed or overlooked as an expression of anger rather than abuse. However, it’s essential to recognize that punching walls or other objects can be a tactic of intimidation and control. This post explores how this form of indirect physical aggression can impact relationships and what steps to take if you or someone you know is experiencing this type of behavior. When someone punches a wall, throws objects, or damages property, they’re demonstrating a form of physical aggression that isn’t aimed directly at another person but still creates a hostile environment. These actions can serve as warnings, intended to convey the potential for direct physical violence if things don’t “go their way.” Often, this behavior leaves the victim feeling intimidated, fearful, and helpless, even though they haven’t been physically touched. In many cases, wall-punching reflects deeper issues within an individual, such as unresolved anger, difficulty managing stress, or a desire to assert dominance in an environment.

What is Sexual Abuse?

Sexual abuse involves any unwanted sexual activity where consent is not freely given or where one party feels threatened or coerced. This abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background, and often involves manipulation, grooming, or intimidation. It may be carried out by a stranger, an acquaintance, or, most tragically, a trusted individual such as a family member or partner. 

Intimate partner sexual abuse (IPSA) refers to sexual violence perpetrated by a current or former intimate partner. This form of abuse can manifest in various ways, including:

1. Coercion or Manipulation: Forcing or manipulating a partner into sexual activities against their will.
2. Physical Force: Using physical violence or threats to engage in sexual acts.
3. Emotional Abuse: Undermining a partner’s autonomy by making them feel guilty, ashamed, or fearful regarding their sexual choices.
4. Sexual Harassment: Unwanted sexual advances or comments, which can occur in both private and public settings.

Sexual abuse includes various forms, from non-consensual touching and exploitation to sexual assault and rape. Abuse may also take place online, where manipulation or coercion occurs through digital interactions.

Other forms of abuse are: emotional, psychological, and financial.

What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior where someone uses manipulation, humiliation, or fear to control or dominate another person. Unlike physical abuse, which is typically more visible, emotional abuse chips away at a person’s mental and emotional well-being over time. The abuse might involve criticism, gaslighting, isolation, or threats, all designed to keep the victim feeling inferior, dependent, or unsure of their own reality.

Recognizing the Signs of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be difficult to spot, especially when it’s happening in close relationships. Here are some common signs:

1. Constant Criticism: The person often puts you down, criticizes your choices, or mocks you, making you feel inadequate or worthless.
2. Gaslighting: They may deny things they’ve said or done, twisting the truth to make you doubt your own memories or perceptions.
3. Isolation: They control who you see and where you go, often discouraging you from maintaining outside relationships.
4. Emotional Withholding: They withhold affection, love, or even basic communication to punish or control you.
5. Humiliation: This includes name-calling, shaming, or embarrassing you in private or public settings to make you feel small.
6. Threats and Intimidation: They may threaten to leave, harm you, or do something drastic if you don’t comply with their wishes.
7. Excessive Control: They try to control your actions, appearance, finances, or daily decisions, often masking it as “caring.”

What is Verbal Abuse?

Verbal abuse uses words to insult, belittle, or intimidate someone. Often, it’s disguised as “joking” or “constructive criticism,” but its real aim is to undermine, hurt, or control the other person. Verbal abuse may happen in romantic relationships, friendships, families, and workplaces, and is often used alongside other forms of abuse.

Common Forms of Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse can take many forms, and abusers may use different tactics to keep their victims feeling trapped and controlled. Here are some common types:

1. Insults and Name-Calling
2. The abuser may use derogatory names, offensive labels, or hurtful comparisons to make the victim feel inferior. This tactic directly attacks the person’s self-esteem.
3. Criticism and Belittling
4. Constantly criticizing, mocking, or diminishing the person’s achievements, ideas, or appearance makes them feel inadequate and insecure.
5. Threats and Intimidation
6. The abuser might use threats, such as threatening to leave, hurt, or ruin the person’s reputation to instill fear and compliance.
7. Gaslighting
8. The abuser may deny events, twist words, or claim the victim is “overreacting” to make them doubt their own perception and sanity, leading them to rely on the abuser’s perspective.
9. Blaming and Shaming
10. The abuser blames the victim for things that aren’t their fault, creating guilt and shame. They may accuse the victim of being “too sensitive” or “dramatic” if they react to the abuse.
11. Trivializing
12. The abuser dismisses or minimizes the victim’s thoughts, feelings, or experiences, making them feel that their emotions and opinions are unimportant or exaggerated.
13. Withholding and Silent Treatment
14. Refusing to engage in conversations or intentionally ignoring the victim can be a form of control, leaving them feeling isolated and desperate for validation.
15. Sarcasm and “Jokes”
16. The abuser may use sarcasm or hurtful “jokes” under the guise of humor, often with the intent of belittling the victim. When confronted, they may claim the victim “can’t take a joke.”

What is Psychological Abuse?

Psychological abuse involves using fear, isolation, guilt, and intimidation to control another person. It can happen in any relationship—romantic, familial, friendships, or even workplaces. The abuser might use tactics like constant criticism, manipulation, isolation, or gaslighting to break down the other person’s self-esteem and sense of autonomy. Often, psychological abuse is subtle and occurs over time, making it harder to recognize than physical abuse.

Common Tactics Used in Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse can take many forms, but here are some of the common tactics an abuser might use:

1. Gaslighting: This is one of the most recognizable forms of psychological abuse, where the abuser manipulates someone into doubting their own memory, perception, or sanity.
2. Silent Treatment: The abuser ignores or withdraws from the person to punish or control them, leaving them feeling isolated and helpless.
3. Constant Criticism: The abuser may pick apart everything the person does, from their appearance to their decisions, making them feel inadequate.
4. Undermining: They may question or dismiss the person’s goals, abilities, or feelings, subtly discouraging them from pursuing their interests or trusting their instincts.
5. Control and Isolation: The abuser restricts access to friends, family, or activities, creating dependency and preventing external support.
6. Blaming and Shifting Responsibility: They refuse to take responsibility for their actions, blaming the other person for anything that goes wrong and making them feel responsible for the abuser’s behavior.
7. Public or Private Humiliation: Embarrassing or shaming the person in front of others, or criticizing them in private, to erode their confidence.

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse involves controlling someone’s money, resources, or economic decisions to maintain power and control over them. Unlike physical abuse, financial abuse doesn’t leave visible scars, but it can be deeply damaging, affecting a person’s autonomy, confidence, and ability to leave abusive situations. Tactics of financial abuse vary widely, from outright theft and manipulation to more subtle, controlling behaviors.

Common Tactics Used in Financial Abuse

Financial abuse can take many forms, and abusers may use one or several of these tactics to exert control:

1. Restricting Access to Money: The abuser may withhold money, refuse to allow access to joint accounts, or provide only a small “allowance” for basic needs.
2. Sabotaging Employment: The abuser might prevent the person from working, interfere with their job, or sabotage opportunities (e.g., not allowing them to attend interviews).
3. Stealing or Manipulating Finances: The abuser may take money, open credit cards in the victim’s name, or take out loans without their knowledge or consent.
4. Controlling Financial Decisions: The abuser might make all financial decisions, limiting the person’s input or forbidding them from making purchases without permission.
5. Creating Dependency: By limiting access to financial resources, the abuser makes it challenging for the victim to leave the relationship or become independent.
6. Using Debt as Control: They may put debt in the person’s name or force them to co-sign loans, leaving the person responsible for large amounts of debt.
7. Refusing to Contribute Financially: In some cases, the abuser may refuse to work or contribute financially, forcing the person to bear all financial burdens, even when they can’t afford it.

WHEEL OF POWER AND CONTROL:

The Wheel of Power and Control is a model developed in the 1980s by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota, to help people understand the various tactics used by abusers to exert control over their partners. Often referred to as the "Duluth Model," this tool breaks down the dynamics of abusive relationships, showing that abuse is more than physical violence; it includes a range of behaviors aimed at maintaining power over the victim.

Understanding the Wheel of Power and Control

The wheel is divided into segments, each representing different tactics an abuser may use to dominate their partner. Physical and sexual violence form the outer rim of the wheel, often used to reinforce the other forms of control inside the wheel. Here’s a breakdown of the different sections:

CREDIT

DARVO:

DARVO is an acronym describing a manipulative response pattern often used by people who are confronted with their abusive behavior. The term, coined by Dr. Jennifer Freyd, stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. DARVO is particularly common in abusive relationships but can also appear in various other contexts, such as family dynamics, workplaces, or friendships.

The goal of DARVO is to shift blame, deflect responsibility, and create confusion, leaving the victim feeling uncertain about their experience and, at times, even questioning their own role. This manipulative strategy can prevent the victim from holding the abuser accountable and reinforce a cycle of abuse.

Breaking Down DARVO

1. Deny
2. The first step involves the abuser outright denying any wrongdoing. They may say, "I never did that," "You're imagining things," or "That's not what happened." This denial can be an attempt to make the victim doubt their own perception of events, eroding their confidence and sense of reality.
3. Attack
4. Next, the abuser goes on the offensive, attacking the victim’s character, credibility, or intentions. They might call the victim "too sensitive," accuse them of "overreacting," or imply that they are "making a big deal out of nothing." This attack is meant to deflect from the abuser's actions and to intimidate or discredit the victim.
5. Reverse Victim and Offender
6. Finally, the abuser positions themselves as the real victim and paints the victim as the offender. They may accuse the victim of unfairly blaming or "attacking" them, claiming things like, "You’re the one hurting me" or "I can't believe you're accusing me of this." By reversing roles, the abuser attempts to elicit sympathy and make the victim feel guilty for speaking up.

Examples of DARVO in Action

1. In Relationships: A partner who has been unfaithful might deny cheating, then accuse their partner of being "controlling" or "paranoid" for bringing it up. They might even claim that their partner’s questions are damaging the relationship, making the partner feel at fault for their concern.
2. In Workplaces: An employee reporting harassment may hear their harasser deny the allegations, then attack them by questioning their professionalism or loyalty. The harasser may also claim they feel "victimized" by the accusations, attempting to flip the narrative and place the blame on the reporting employee.
3. In Family Dynamics: A parent or sibling confronted about toxic behavior might deny any wrongdoing, then label the person confronting them as "disrespectful." They may go on to insist that they are the ones being treated unfairly, making the victim question whether they were wrong to bring up the issue.

Remember, DARVO is a tactic used to control and disempower, and knowledge about it is a tool to reclaim your voice and power.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month serves as a vital reminder of the importance of recognizing, addressing, and preventing domestic violence. By raising awareness, providing support, and promoting education, we can work towards a future free from violence and empower survivors to reclaim their lives. It’s essential to foster a culture of understanding and support, ensuring that all individuals can feel safe and respected in their relationships.

If you or someone you know is experiencing the various forms of domestic abuse, please know that support is available and healing is within reach. By standing together, we can help end the cycle of abuse and build a safer world for everyone.

RESOURCES:

Here are some valuable resources for domestic abuse survivors, offering support, shelter, counseling, and advocacy:

National Resources

1. National Domestic Violence Hotline
2. Website: thehotline.org
3. Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788
4. Provides 24/7 support, information, and resources for individuals experiencing domestic violence. Offers a confidential and safe environment to discuss options.
5. RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
6. Website: rainn.org
7. Phone: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
8. Offers support for survivors of sexual violence, including a national sexual assault hotline and resources for recovery and advocacy.
9. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
10. Website: ncadv.org
11. Focuses on education, advocacy, and providing resources to end domestic violence. Offers information on local services and national campaigns.
12. The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV)
13. Website: nrcdv.org
14. Provides resources, training, and support to individuals and organizations working to end domestic violence.
15. Women’s Law
16. Website: womenslaw.org
17. Offers legal information and resources for survivors, including state-specific resources and help navigating the legal system.
18. Love is Respect: Text “LOVEIS” to 22522
19. Mental Health America (MHA):
20. Website: mhanational.org
21. Phone: 1-800-969-6642
22. A community-based nonprofit dedicated to addressing the needs of those living with mental health conditions and promoting overall mental health.

Local Resources

1. Local Domestic Violence Shelters and Services
2. Many communities have shelters and support services for survivors. Use the National Domestic Violence Hotline or NCADV websites to find local organizations that offer shelter, counseling, and legal assistance.
3. State-specific Resources
4. Each state may have domestic violence coalitions or organizations that provide tailored support. Check the state resource directory on the NCADV website for localized support.

Additional Support Services

1. Therapists and Counselors Specializing in Abuse
2. Consider seeking therapy from professionals experienced in trauma and domestic violence. Websites like Psychology Today provide directories for therapists by location and specialization.
3. Support Groups
4. Many local organizations and online platforms offer support groups for survivors. These provide a safe space to share experiences and connect with others who have faced similar challenges.
5. Legal Aid Services
6. Organizations such as Legal Aid or LGBTQ+ Legal Advocacy Organizations offer legal advice and representation for survivors navigating custody, divorce, and protective orders.

Resources for Specific Populations

1. The Hotline for LGBTQ+ Survivors
2. Phone: 1-866-488-7386
3. Offers support tailored to LGBTQ+ individuals experiencing domestic violence, providing resources and community connections.
4. Children and Youth Resources
5. Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
6. Supports children affected by abuse and provides resources for parents.
7. Culturally Specific Resources
8. Various organizations cater to specific communities, such as Asian/Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence or Black Women’s Blueprint, offering culturally relevant support and resources.

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:

Here are some book recommendations that can help individuals navigate abusive relationships, understand the dynamics of abuse, and empower them to seek change or healing:

For Survivors of Abuse

1. "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft - This book offers insights into the psychology of abusive men, helping survivors understand the patterns of abuse and the mindset of their partners.
2. "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why" by Joan Torres and Susan Forward - Torres and Forward draw on case histories and the voices of men and women trapped in these negative relationships to help you understand your man's destructive pattern and the part you play in it.
3. "The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond" by Patricia Evans - Evans outlines the dynamics of verbal abuse and provides strategies for recognizing and addressing it, offering practical advice for survivors.
4. "Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women" by Mary M. L. L. Long and Kathleen A. Holt - This workbook provides tools and exercises to help survivors process their experiences and work towards healing.
5. "It’s Not You, It’s What Happened to You: Confronting Trauma in Your Life" by Christine C. Courtois - This book explores the impact of trauma on relationships and offers insights into healing and recovery.
6. "Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping for Your Love to Change" by Robin Norwood - Norwood examines the patterns of women who find themselves in unhealthy relationships, providing insights and strategies for breaking the cycle.
7. "The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence" by Gavin de Becker - While not exclusively about abusive relationships, this book teaches readers to trust their instincts and recognize danger, empowering them to take action.
8. "Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Codependence" by Pia Mellody - This workbook helps individuals understand codependency and abusive patterns, providing strategies for recovery and building healthy relationships.

For Understanding Relationship Dynamics

1. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk - This book explores how trauma affects the body and mind, providing insights into healing and recovery from traumatic experiences, including those from abusive relationships.
2. "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller -Understanding attachment styles can help individuals recognize unhealthy patterns in their relationships and make more informed choices about their partners.
3. "In She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders" by Jennifer Finney Boylan - Although primarily a memoir, Boylan's exploration of identity and relationships provides insights into the complexities of human connections, including issues of abuse and acceptance.

For Abusers Seeking Change

1. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover - This book addresses unhealthy relationship dynamics and encourages men to take responsibility for their actions, promoting personal growth and healthier interactions.
2. "The Abuser's Playbook: A Guide to Understanding and Changing Abusive Behavior" by Peter D. Gaffney - Aimed at individuals seeking to understand and change their abusive behaviors, this book offers insights and practical strategies for growth.

Until next time...

Sharon

The Trouble with the Big Bang Theory: A Look at the Controversial Aspects

(CREDIT)

Highly recommended to me, I finally broke down and watched The Big Bang Theory. I have to say that while it was funny and had its memorable moments, it was overall cringe-worthy. If I had started the show when it originally aired back in 2007, I would have conformed with the masses and loved the show. Now, watching the show through a more critical lens, it was easier to pick out the xenophobic, anti-Semitic, Hinduphobic, homophobic, sexist, misogynistic, and patriarchal rhetoric throughout the series. It got old really quickly.

As a South Asian immigrant watching the show, my perspective will focus on Kunal Nayyar's portrayal of Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. For those who haven't watched the show, Raj is an Astrophysicist working at Caltech, along with Howard, Leonard, and Sheldon. He comes from an affluent family in India and has lived a very sheltered life. For the majority of the series, Raj's dad paid for everything, even though Raj was more than capable of making his own way. Raj explained that he was accustomed to a certain type of lifestyle...essentially a spoiled and entitled brat. 

Firstly, the thing that stood out almost immediately was the mocking of Raj's thick, Indian accent in almost every episode. This was primarily done by Howard, Raj's "best friend," though almost every character took their turn.

Secondly, along with making fun of his accent, let's not forget the constant Hinduphobic "jokes" about Raj's religion and Raj's affinity to eating beef, which isn't necessarily forbidden; however, cows are considered sacred and a holy manifestation of the divinity. While vegetarianism is the recommended diet, many Hindus eat fish and other meat except beef. Not that Raj was any better with his constant anti-Semitic jokes directed at Howard. For the sake of this post, all the characters are toxic and ignorant.

Thirdly, when the group got together for meals, it was always Raj sitting on a pillow on the ground, Indian style, while all the non-melanated people sat on the couch and chairs. I can only recall two instances where Leonard and Howard sat on the floor. In Season 2, Raj begins dating an Indian girl, Anu, and had to verbally request that she not have to sit on the floor. Sheldon tells Bernadette and Howard to sit on the floor, then Penny offers to. Then Raj requests Leonard sit on the floor as well because he wants to sit next to Anu. Other than Howard making a comment about Raj breaking up with Anu, none of his friends wanted to accommodate his simple request. They did this instead, leaving two chairs for Raj and Anu.

Fourthly, the constant racist jokes about India being a third world country, being overpopulated, and all the beggars on the streets, as if India wasn't made a third world country by the British when they colonized and depleted our resources.

Again, the show had its moments, but all in all, I was disappointed. I would give the show a C+ rating, and that's me being generous.

Let me know your thoughts on the show...

XOXO,

Sharon

The Rise of the Western 4B Movement: Redefining Boundaries in a Modern World

I've been hearing a lot about South Korea's 4B Movement, and went down the rabbit hole of doing some research. Essentially, women are just plain tired and fed up with men, so they are choosing themselves for their peace of mind by cutting off men completely. Women are boycotting romantic relationships until men (and society) change their entitled attitudes towards and about women. Women are tired of patriarchal norms, misogyny, sexism, gender violence/femicide, sexual harassment/violence, and the lack of reproductive rights. 

The movement was inspired by Cho Nam-Joo's feminist novel, Kim Ji-young, Born 1982. It focuses on a housewife and stay-at-home mother who suffers from postpartum depression after the birth of her daughter. The plot examines the sexism experienced by the main character throughout her youth. Gaining traction, the book became a bestseller internationally in 2018 and was incorporated into the South Korean feminist, #MeToo, and 4B movements. I am patiently waiting on Libby for my turn to check out and read/listen to the book (Wikipedia, 2024).

Founded by Jung Se-young and Baeck Ha-na, the movement condemns heteronormative gender roles and marriage. 

The premise of the 4B Movement is based on four guiding principles:

1. Bihon - no to heterosexual marriage
2. Bichulsan - no to childbirth
3. Biyeonae - no to dating
4. Bisekseu - no to heterosexual sexual relationships

Basically, decenter men and live your life to the fullest, focusing on familial, social, and platonic relationships/friendships.

(Credit: FACEBOOK)

This is and will continue to have a huge negative impact on South Korea's economy if women stop having children. Globally, the birth rates have been and are continuing to decline. No wonder abortions are banned, making it even harder for women to have agency over their own bodies.

With what is currently happening in the United States regarding women's reproductive rights, or should I say lack of, I'm all for this to become a global movement where women from all walks of life come together to protect each other. Men need to remove themselves from conversations and creating legislation about something they know nothing about, especially if they have no desire to educate themselves on the female body outside of sex and use it for their pleasure. This is why we need to implement co-ed sex education instead of just a quick overview of puberty and abstinence as a form of birth control. Let's not forget that it is typically a male coach who is disseminating the information. The scared straight method of "you'll get a STI" or "a pregnancy will result" isn't going to cut it. Now more than ever, our younger generations have access to the internet and friends who have access to the internet. No amount of monitoring and/or blocking sites will protect our babies from all the disgusting and dangerous things out there. Hell, our kids know more about sex than we did at their age, which also means they have access to a lot more misinformation regarding sex. It starts at home...

What are y'alls thoughts on the 4B Movement?

XOXO,

Sharon

Audiobooks Galore

While I wish I had the time to sit down and read, I have really been into audiobooks since October 24, 2023, and still going strong. For the record, it's still consuming a book, just using a different sense, so it counts (for those who don't think it does)! Something a lot of people get a kick out of is when I tell them at what speed I listen to my audiobooks. I can't do 1X because it's so slow and I start to dissociate, having to rewind a lot to previous sections. Depending on the narrator's speed, my sweet spot is between 2.5X and 3.0X. I know you probably think I am crazy, but it's my undiagnosed/self-diagnosed ADHD I tell ya! Not only does it satisfy my attention span (squirrel?), but it allows me the ability to listen to more books and get exposure to more authors. Too many books and too much to do, so little time. I see it as killing two birds with one stone. 

The mental image I get listening at 1.0 speed is this:

(Credit: YouTube)

"A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one." - George R. R. Martin, A Dance with Dragons (2011)

My primary goal for 2024 is to focus on BIPOC authors and expanding my knowledge base. Check and Check!  

In January, I found so many amazing and talented South Asian authors! My current TBR for just South Asian authors is over 100 and steadily climbing as I find new titles or get recommendations.

Some of my fave Contemporary Romance South Asian authors:

• Nisha Sharma
• Alisha Rai
• Sonali Dev
• Shveta Thakrar (YA)

Can I tell you a secret? 

I have never read what are considered to be the "classics", like Jane Austen books, nor have I had any desire to watch regency-era films. That is, until Shonda Rhimes, the titan that she is, spearheaded a multi-season TV show adaptation of Julia Quinn's Bridgerton book series on Netflix. Speaking of Bridgerton, come on May 16th so we can finally watch Season 3! With that being said, Sonali Dev's The Rajes Series is a modern-day interpretation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, Sense and Sensibility, and Emma.

Nisha Sharma's If Shakespeare Was an Auntie Series is a modern-day ode to Taming of the Shrew, Much Ado About Nothing, and Twelfth Night as romantic comedies. Alisha Rai's Modern Love Series incorporates how many people find love these days...through social media, dating websites and apps. Shveta Thakrar's books, Star Daughter and The Dream Runners, beautifully weaves Hindu Mythology into the storylines and perfectly worded descriptions of the visual details that you feel like you are there. 

My all time favorite book this month was My So-Called Bollywood Life by Nisha Sharma. This book was a love letter to Millennials who grew up in the 90s watching classic Bollywood movies. It brought back so many nostalgic memories of that era. I could read this book over and over and over again! 
Last month being Black History Month, I focused on listening to African American/Black authors. 

I found some amazing authors like:

• Tiffany D. Jackson (YA)
• Rachel Howzell Hall (Suspense/Thriller)
• Selena Montgomery (Suspense/Thriller)
• Tracey Deonn (YA)
• S. A. Cosby (Suspense/Thriller)

If you are a Stephen King fan like me, you will L-O-V-E The Weight of Blood. It's Carrie meets post-Jim Crow in the present day, but the white people in town still act like it's not. You won't be disappointed, I promise!

As a Millennial who grew up in the 90's, Let Me Hear a Rhyme paid homage to that decade's hip-hop scene. The setting takes place in Brooklyn after the deaths of Tupac and Biggie. It was like taking a trip down musical memory lane.

Legendborn was 100/10! It's not necessarily a retelling of King Arthur and the Roundtable, but more like an extension of the original story, in the present day, with the descendents, all the while weaving slavery into the plot. It's got monsters, mages, and witches, oh my! Can't wait to listen to book #2, Bloodmarked.

Honorable mention goes to Grown. It was very reminiscent of what went down with pedo R. Kelly and all those underaged girls he abused and traumatized, though the author indicated it wasn't. Tiffany Jackson, through a similar personal experience, shows us what happens when a young and impressionable girl falls for someone much older and how that person can manipulate, control, and gaslight their victim(s) into submission through narcissistic abuse. This book was heartbreaking, but does a good job of showcasing the sad reality that many young girls face.

With March being Women's History Month, my focus was on reading books about feminism and books by a diverse group of women.

What many of these books confirmed for me is that men have no idea what it means to be a woman, see things through our lens, and the challenges we face. If nothing else, the non-fiction books confirmed my decision to decentering men in my life, and let me tell you, that is the best decision of my life. Well, next to getting my degrees that is! I know men have their own challenges, but many have a patriarchal mindset and don't want to learn and grow. Men live in a system that was designed by them, for them, and yet they are not evolving to be the best version of themselves for themselves, their families, and friends. Too many think that just because they go to work and bring a paycheck that absolves them of the domestic labor at home. Many feminist and womanist thinkers are calling motherhood modern-day slavery. I feel like the divorce rates are on the low end at 50%. It should be more like 75%, especially since Covid in 2020. I do agree with the statistic that 80% of divorces are initiated by college-educated women (hence, why I am fortunate for my educational background)!

The most interesting thing I learned in March is that the "Jane Roe" of Roe v. Wade was Norma McCorvey, a woman from Katy, Texas who wanted an abortion when pregnant with her third child. She was unemployed and did not want the pregnancy to move forward. At the advisement of her friends, she told the police that she had been raped by a group of black men, which would grant her the abortion she desired. Luckily, during the investigation, it came out that she fabricated the story. With what happened to Emmett Till and countless innocent black men, she had the nerve to pull this BS stunt. She then tried to get an illegal abortion but they were all shut down. Her doctor recommended that she carry the baby to term, and then allow the baby to get adopted, which she did. After everything was said and done, she quit her job at an abortion clinic and became close with Flip Benham, the national director for Operation Rescue, an anti-abortion organization. She made a "deathbed confession" that she didn't actually support the anti-abortion movement, rather, she was paid to make her "sentiments" known (Wikipedia, 2024).

Between Black History Month and Women's History Month, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted by the plight women have endured since the beginning of time, especially Black women. My heart breaks for Black women who have been at the forefront of change and they continually get disrespected and not acknowledged for their contributions and accomplishments to society.

I leave you with two quotes...

1. "Your career, your money, and your education will never leave you, but a man will."
2. "When something is bad for white women, it is worse for women of color, and it is WORST for Black women.

What books have you read that you would recommend?

XOXO,

Sharon

A Fresh Start

(CREDIT)

It’s been a while since I last sat down to write, and life, as it often does, took me on a few unexpected detours. But now, I’m back—and this time, with renewed energy, ideas, and a deeper perspective. Sometimes stepping away from something you love is the very thing that helps you rediscover why you loved it in the first place.

During my time away from blogging, I’ve experienced moments of inspiration, challenges, and growth that have shaped who I am today. I’ve had the chance to reflect on what truly matters to me, what stories are waiting to be told, and how I want to show up in this space. Writing has always been a way for me to connect—not only with others but with myself—and I’m excited to share this journey with you.

You can expect more from this blog in the coming weeks. Whether it’s reflections on life, new interests I’ve discovered, or just thoughts on navigating this ever-changing world, I hope my words resonate with you. Here’s to new beginnings and finding joy in the process again.

If you’ve been with me from the start at The Queen of Naboo—thank you for your patience. And if you’re new here—welcome! I can’t wait to see where this chapter takes us.

Why I Took a Break

Life gets busy, as it does for all of us. Between personal reasons, career changes, raising a family, health challenges, etc.], writing took a backseat for longer than I anticipated. My thoughts were scattered, and my focus was elsewhere, but during that time, I realized how much I missed expressing myself through words. Writing has always been a form of self-discovery, a way to connect, and a chance to share a piece of myself with others.

What to Expect Now

This time, I’m approaching the blog with fresh eyes and a new sense of purpose. My hiatus has allowed me to reflect on what truly inspires me, and I want to infuse this space with that energy. Expect posts that explore topics I'm passionate about: personal growth, creativity, lifestyle, social justice, travel, book reviews, cultural identity, etc.].

I want this blog to be a place of authenticity—a space where I share not only what I’ve learned but also what I’m still figuring out. Whether it’s the small victories, the struggles, or the ideas that keep me up at night, I hope my words will resonate with you, spark conversation, or maybe even help you feel less alone on your own journey.

A Fresh Start

Coming back to blogging after a long break feels like meeting an old friend after years apart—familiar, yet a little awkward. I’m giving myself permission to embrace that awkwardness, to experiment, and to let my writing evolve naturally. I’ll be trying new things, sharing what excites me, and allowing myself to grow along the way.

I hope you’ll join me in this adventure. Feel free to leave a comment, share your thoughts, or just say hi—I’d love to hear from you! Here’s to new beginnings and all the stories yet to be told.

With gratitude,

Sharon